Now what?

So I've completed my undergraduate degree with a first class (yay) but now what? The question that every graduate is faced with. But I don't want to just become a statistic, another one who ends up in retail.

That's why I've decided to not move back to my hometown, I need to keep moving forward and progressing. But where am I progressing to, and where do I see myself? I'm unemployed, okay I'm self employed at the moment but that will only be able to sustain me so long, I've been applying to jobs daily and the waiting is putting me on edge. I'm continually checking my emails for a response, an interview anything. I don't fear rejection. I fear the not knowing. I can't think straight. There's so many things whizzing around my head.

I'm incredibly restless, continually bored, even if I've been reading and learning throughout the day. Nothing satiates my appetite for mental stimulation. I've began running, I hate running and that's given me some focus but I still find it incredibly boring.

I sort of resigned myself to not doing my MSc or PhD for a good few years, take a few years out, gain some experience in the field but that's not as easy. Companies want to pay people as little as possible but want stacks of experience, experience that a recent graduate won't have and will never get if employers don't employ graduates. That's not a dig as scientific employers, it's just a comment on the recent jobs situation.

I very nearly got my foot in the door, as an assistant study investigator, working for a company whose research strands include risk factors for increased parasitic infection in horses and the implementation of worm egg counts into worming programmes. The salt in the wound, the only thing stopping me from getting the job and coming second was that the person I was up against had direct experience in that role, no other negative feedback. And when I sent an email to the company asking for advice on how best to go about getting experience and whether I could work shadow, I never received a reply.

Since then I've been applying for roles, getting contacted by recruitment agencies for positions that aren't particularly related to my degree but anything within a laboratory environment. I'm still waiting. I've applied for retail positions but keep getting rejections, the only reason I can think, I'm 'over qualified' and the sad thing is, I diluted my CV down, stripped it, got rid of a few things to make it not seem as extensive. I just need a source of income, of course I don't want to work in retail.

I've also applied for a receptionist in a vets. Another way to fulfil one of my passions. Although I would be a receptionist, it would be in an environment in which I have an interest. Which got me thinking again. Should I abandon my dream of being a vet? Feasibly, I should. To get my qualification it would be at least another 4/5 years, which I certainly cannot afford, £9000 a year tuition fees alone. Not going to happen. That's why I've been researching Veterinary Parasitology at University of Bristol, an MSc. But I've got absolutely no idea what I would do my thesis on, linking back to me struggling to focus. I can't formulate my thoughts, categorise my thought processes, think. The last 2 times I've emailed a potential supervisor we've exchanged 2-3 emails each time before they stop replying so I'm yet to have a face to face meeting. I feel that if I can start networking, so people can put a face to a name I can start making more progress.

I segway to networking. I want to get out and about to events to meet people in the industry but, that requires money to go to events, even if the events are free they're usually in London. Money which is going to very quickly start diminishing if I don't get a source of income soon.

I guess this is what they call an existential crisis? I need my routine back.

Enough of this doom and gloom. I know it takes time and something will come up, I just need to keep at it. I'm fortunate enough to have an incredibly supportive family and boyfriend, we've secured a place to live and the business is slowly taking off. I'm not about to give up and throw the towel in, jeez I haven't been going at this for long enough yet. I just don't like sitting around. I want to make a contribution to science and I want to make the next step and I don't expect it to be easy or to be handed to me on a plate.

Watch this space, you never know, the next time I post I may have a job or someone may have thrown sponsorship at me to do my MSc or even a PhD.

Just keep swimming!